Journal Reflection

This semester I faced a few challenges while writing my blogs/journal entries. There would definitely be nights where I didn't know what to write about so I just came up with something random and talked about it for a bit. Then there were the nights where I was afraid I was writing something too personal, but I realized I can't entirely be judged based on what I talk about. I'm a very unique individual and I've accepted myself for who I am. I do the strangest things at times and no one, not even I, understand why. Over time I've become more comfortable with myself and who I'm coming to be. I had some rough edges growing up, but they're finally round out to be quite nice. I used to be the sad, depressed girl who just moped all the time. Not anymore though. I've realized how much I've missed in my life from being afraid. Afraid to love someone, afraid to give and care, afraid to even congratulate myself on a victory. All the wonderful things that could happen and the happiness that can be shared from one to another. I'm pretty open minded about most things, but I do still have my moments where I'm very difficult and refuse. I have the best family and friends I could ever have and I'm thankful for them everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of someone and how lucky I feel to know them and have them in my life. I've taken lots of things for granted as I've mentioned before, but I'm going to keep on this path I'm walking on and keep my head held high and thank God for everything he's given me since day one. This journal keeping has actually been good therapy for me and its been nice to just let things go every night. =)

Last Entry for the Semester

Well it seems this will be my last entry for my college class. This doesn't mean I won't be using this account anymore though. I just won't be writing in it everyday like I have been. I may from time to time choose to write something that's either on my mind or I have an opinion about. Who knows what will happen, but I do know I liked this exercise for my course and it was something I was actually excited to do. So what do I have to say for my last entry? Well, lets see. I've learned a lot over the past several weeks, had good experiences and some bad. Thats not too far out of the norm though. Met and gained great acquaintances and friends. Given the fact that I pretty much knew no one when I decided to come to OTC. I'm almost satisfied with how things are. Providing I pass these 2 classes I'm uber scared about. And the sad part is that I HAVE to pass them. It's not a eh, whatever...let it roll of my back. I certainly need to pass these classes so I can continue on. If something tries to hold me back I'm bound to stress out tremendously. And its not entirely just school, its anything. Friends, family, myself. There isn't a particular thing that I won't stress over. School just happens to be the main one right now at this time. Aside from money, which I have a huge lack of. I can't get a job that will work around my schedule it seems so I'm bumming off my parents and grandfather. Which I absolutely hate. I don't like asking for money. Hell, I don't like asking for anything to be honest. I just want someone to hire me part time so I can afford stuff for myself...seriously...its getting ridiculous.

No One Listens

I have yet to discover why my friends get into the situations they seem to stumble upon. It baffles me. When they know they shouldn't be involved or shouldn't be caught up in any mess they do it anyway. I love my friends, but I try to tell them that what is going on isn't probably the right thing, but they don't seem to listen and end up finding out in the end that I was right. Its those "hate to say I told you so" moments that happen often. I try to voice my opinion so they know what I think, which is usually almost right in most cases. Not always, but I have a tendency to know what people are thinking and what their plans or intentions are. I'm not saying I haven't had my share of dumb decisions where I got caught up in a guy or whoever. We all have, I know, but I've just realized sooner than most how things work and what will most likely happen or potentially happen. I may still get tangled up in someone later down the line who isn't good for me, but I will respect the words of my friends and take their words into consideration when I may think something isn't right. Although right now I'm hoping to bypass any more guys and the shenanigans that comes with it. I'm so done with all the head games and the stupidity that comes with getting to know someone. I just want to like someone and they like me back...no more foolishness. Get to the point and make something happen. Thats what I want. I'm not being difficult, I promise. Hell, I don't even ask for much. I'm simple, yet complex. Only time I'm complex is when it comes to decision making for shoes or math. I make it seem like its rocket science when its truly not. Makes no sense.

Politics

I've never been one to fully understand politics nor even care for them to be honest. And I know so many others that feel the same, but today I had to type up a 3-page paper for my government class. So I basically had to research information on various topics of somewhat interest to me. Of course I wasn't going to find anything that was THAT exciting to me, but I found enough to intrigue me and actually give me something to talk about for a paper. Which is surprising. I've seriously never been one to engage in political conversations. I was the person who walked away when it got brought up. I never knew what was going on in Washington and I didn't really care, so I just did something else when friends would be discussing some issue. Now, though I see how important it is for me to be informed of the issues and ideas that are being brought up in the White House. Myself and the people of the United States have the right to voice our opinions when we feel its necessary. We've been given that right and most of us don't use it except in negative ways that don't benefit anyone. I always said, I have freedom of speech so I can say what I want. Which is true, but sometimes you need to use those rights for the good of the people and not just because "you can". I'm realizing more and more everyday that I'm getting older and that I've got to make some changes in things I do and say. I'm not a bad person and I'm quite mature for my age. I always have been. I just know now that things are becoming different with our society and as we evolve. Things change everyday and you must change too.

Jessica Phillips

I just found out today, literally about an hour ago, that a girl I somewhat know, died yesterday. I didn't believe it. A guy in one of my classes today mentioned something about a girl from the Neosho area dying lastnight and I didn't know what he was talking about. So I came home today and I did a little research and I couldn't find anything that said something about a girl. Then I was about to give up searching when I finally stumbled upon an article that mentioned a girl in a wreck. Low and behold, the name was Jessica Phillips, 19. That's her. But then I second guessed myself and thought, no...that could be a different Jessica. It sounds like a common name. I remembered we were friends on Myspace so I decided then to check her page to see when she signed in last and her comments - to see if anything seemed weird. I checked the date, she signed in on the 20th. Seems about right since today is the 22nd. She was always on, so I know she's on everyday. She can't go 2 days and not sign in, thats not right. So I scrolled down and then that was when I knew, there were people saying they couldn't believe what had happened, and it didn't seem right, she couldn't be gone. Everything you could likely imagine. I sat in shock for a brief moment taking it all in. I didn't know what to think. I'd just seen the girl a few months ago in Joplin. She knew me and vice versa. How does something like this happen...I don't understand. She was only 19, her life wasn't supposed to be over yet, it was only just beginning. I guess God had different plans for her. I know she's in a better place now. May God rest her soul.

RIP Jessica Phillips

Shine on in Heaven girl!

Life and Baseball?

If its one thing I know...its that life throws you curves. And I've truly experienced that. Over the years I've had several, upon several, swing and miss moments. I may even have had a couple home runs, or so I thought they would be. Just when I think I might make it back to home plate, safe...I'm out. So then I walk back to the dug out with my head hung low and I'm covered in dirt. That's how my life pretty much ends up - frequently. When I think things are going great and wonderful, here comes something out of left field and totally screws it all up. It leaves me feeling useless. So then I have to ponder on what went wrong and why. Its a good way to mess up a girls day, I'm telling ya. Its a crazy way to compare my life to baseball, but its so fitting. Most comparisons can work out that way for some reason. For example, I've told guys that having me is like a game of baseball. They can have 3 strikes and then they're out. (Of course depending on what the "strike out" is) they might just get kicked out of the game. Cause a ruckus and "you're 'outta here!" I don't ask for much, in fact I don't ask for anything. I'm not demanding nor do I tell anyone what to do. I'm pretty sure I'd be the best girl ever, but I have yet to find a guy who realizes this and appreciates that. Granted, I'm not going to be walked all over because I know better than that - I've learned over time. I have a backbone and I'm not scared to enforce it. By the way I make it all sound, I'm thinking I should call myself an Umpire...hmm...just maybe.

Curls

I found a way to curl my hair like I want it, finally! And its the most simple way. Who would've thought. And with my amount of hair thats amazing. It doesn't take me long at all, yes! The effect I wanted was some messy, beachy looking curls. And I'm so ecstatic that I've discovered the technique. Brianna made fun of me earlier cause I went with her to the craft store and she asked if it was "done". I said, well, yea...and she just looked at me weird then started picking up pieces analyzing them, trying to figure out what in the hell I did. Perhaps it doesn't look the greatest for my first attempt, but atleast I've finally figured it out and the more I do it, the better I will get! Anyway, when Brianna called me asking to go to the craft store with her I knew what she was going for...flowers, tulle, ribbon, hair clips, etc etc. She's been wanting to make hair pieces to wear to work. Which is a very cute idea, for sure. Using roses, sunflowers, mums, whatever you could probably imagine in an array of colors just to put on her head. I think I just want to glue a little bow on a bobby pin and call it a day. I'm not much into the idea of dressing your head all up with random items. Unless my hair is up of course. I can have a hay day with that. I think I will just make an abundance of bobby pins with bows on them and wear them from time to time with outfits. That sounds like a spectacular plan. I shall go with that idea! On that note, if anyone would like to know how to make the beachy, messy curls, let me know, I'd be more than happy to describe it for you so you can do it too! =)